A Taste Evolution

After years of suffering through the same shallow content on repeat, I may have finally found a way out.

DiPartures is my chance to write about things that are a far departure from the SoEV project which has (thankfully) brought most of my readers to this Substack.

If you are new to this Substack, you can check out my other sections INS(oev)IDE, where I write about the stories of being a street photographer and some commentary on clothing and style or GENEs, interviews about clothing with the stylish people I’ve met in the neighborhood. I have a few GENEs interviewed lined up and some new project related to SoEV in the works, but this one is a bit different.

This piece is about parenting, but I promise this is not becoming a parenting blog…

When I first started this Substack, I figured I’d eventually mix in some parenting pieces alongside the cultural analysis I’ve been exploring. As a high school teacher (with my wife teaching elementary), I assumed we’d have a solid grasp on anticipating and navigating the joys and challenges of raising a child. And while we’ve had our ups and downs like all parents do, at no point have I felt confident enough to write about it with any real authority. Every stage has presented its own unique obstacles and learning opportunities, and just when we think we’ve figured something out, another curveball gets thrown. That constant evolution has made it difficult to capture any one phase, accomplishment, or failure in writing.

The other reason I’ve hesitated is that all parents, without exception, find themselves on the receiving end of unsolicited advice. Occasionally, it’s useful. More often, it’s based on assumptions or misunderstandings rather than genuine curiosity or care. I’ve steered clear of writing anything that might resemble a “parenting blog” because I’d rather not contribute to that noise or risk coming off as if I’m handing out advice.

This, instead, is about something else—about entering a new phase of parenting and reflecting on the generational gap we all experience, both as children and as parents.

A Generational Gap Problem

At this point, I would like to introduce you to the main argument of this piece.

It brings me no joy to write this publicly, but I need to be honest: my daughters taste in music is awful. It’s been a slow, painful decline, growing more entrenched each year. At this point, I fear we are going down a path of an irreversible nature.

To be frank, I can’t stand anything she listens to and most of what she watches. I take my media seriously. I analyze, synthesize, and challenge my biases. My daughter, however, does not share this energy. I’ve spent years curating a diverse selection of music and film for those around me, carefully gauging reactions to enhance my own understanding of friends and families taste. I share as often as I can, and I love getting responses, both positive and negative. She has not been receptive, a positive response to a shared item is rare these days.

I tried to tell myself I wasn’t going to do this. I’ve always understood the fact that parents and their children won’t generally like the same music, and that's not a bad thing. Part of developing your own taste is often rejecting what you are brought up on and I am completely okay subscribing to that ethos, to an extent. I couldn’t imagine my grandparents, Italian immigrants of the 60’s, understanding why my dad would be so enthralled with listening to Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, just like their parents probably didn’t enjoy listening to the “pop” music of their time either. Media for each generation is unique and speaks to them in a way that people outside of that generation just cannot understand. However, developing an appreciation of more nuanced and refined media, and forming a relationship based on the sharing of the joys that good music and good film can bring is something I want to grow in my relationship with my daughter. My fear is that Gen Z, or whatever this generation is called, won’t be as open, as they are so entrenched in the ability to have everything on demand.

What I had always appreciated about my relationship with my parents was the ability for us to share music and media. My parents were always open to allowing me to choose the music in the long car rides, burning my own CDs and my parents taking a general interest in trying to understand what we were listening to. That experience was a reciprocal, I often found myself seeking out what they were listening to and watching, and still do to this day. I appreciated the diversity and range of music that they shared with us as we grew and they also allowed us to consume media “above our maturity level”. I fondly remember so many instances of taking in, what would now be considered “mature content” with my parents. I recall watching George Carlin stand-ups with my dad before I was even a teenager, staying up late watching Arsenio Hall with my mom when I probably should have been fast asleep (there is even evidence of me giving the iconic “woo woo” as a young child on VHS somewhere..), and watching the series finale of Seinfeld as a family, even though we weren’t totally caught up on the entire culture of that show, our parents knew it was a historic event that we would want to be a part of.

My daughter, on the other hand, quite often can’t be bothered to engage in anything I consider “good”. As I mentioned above, I can’t help but blame the way we obtain our media today, maybe that is the problem. Rather than having to wait for a show to be on and having a generally limited amount of options of shows and media in the house, my daughter can access YouTube at almost any moment of the day and go directly to exactly what she wants. And, at the speed of light, any song, from any album, can be brought straight into her headphones with one or two taps, or even a request to Siri. And the things she's picking, unfortunately, are not great. It sucks to be at the point of my life to be shaking my fist saying “kids these days…”, but here we are.

I’ve tried to let her find her own tastes, but I draw the line at letting her musical taste actively rot her brain with the simplistic and pop-dominated discography she's chosen to focus on. For example, she insists on listening to Taylor Swift on the way to school in the morning. While I don’t mind the occasional Taylor Swift song, and generally think what she has done as an artist is quite impressive, if I have to have the song “22” stuck in my head at work for one more day, I might start drinking the chemicals rather than my morning coffee in the lab…

The YouTube videos she watches are worse. They are essentially immature and crappy covers of songs and she watches the same ones over and over, never veering too far from her comfort zone.

For movies, she doesn’t even want to watch the entire thing, rather, she’d prefer to watch compilation videos of her favorite scenes, missing out on the details or nuances available when you consume an entire movie. She also is not interested in any movie I think she would find entertaining, or would potentially expand her horizons. She scoffs at some of my formative classics like The Sandlot.

She will humor me once and a while, getting through one or two minutes of something “new”, but it never lasts long, as she often requests we go back to what she prefers, leading me to either grab a book if I want to stick around, or leave the room to do some chores while she occupies the family room. Maybe it’s what she wants out of the whole deal anyways, some alone time?

Occasionally, she’ll show interest in something I like, “allowing” me to think that there is a glimmer of hope. She’ll take interest in a song I am listening to, or will come sit beside me while I am watching some live performances on YouTube. She’ll nod along to one of my songs for 30 seconds. My heart soars. This is it, a breakthrough. She’s evolving. And then, just as quickly - ‘I’m going to listen to Shake it Off”, and my spirit dies.

Before we get any further - I should reveal for those who don’t know - I am talking about a toddler. I’ve been wanting to write this piece for a while as a comedic take at this issue, so I hope that if you’ve gotten this far, knowing how old my kid is, you know I am kidding, and if you didn’t know, here is the “big reveal”.

The reality is, I understand there are limitations to how much my toddler can appreciate my taste. It’s been so fun seeing her develop her own taste (despite it being filled with Cocomelon, Taylor Swift, and Frozen songs) and I know there will be lots of opportunities for us to bond over the lexicon of movies, TV shows, and music I have grown to love, even though it’s been looking bleak…

The last section of this though is about a breakthrough in something we can share together. And it's been…fantastic.

A Fantastic Future

About a month ago, after a long day of meeting up with friends and wandering Commercial Drive, we decided that pizza was the move before retreating back to the suburbs. We walked into Frank’s, grabbed a booth by the window, and recapped the day. I had my back to the restaurant, but as we chatted, I noticed my daughter’s gaze slowly drifting away from the conversation, her focus locked on something behind me.

I turned to see what had her so enthralled.

Wes Anderson’s Fantastic Mr. Fox was playing on one of the TVs. She was locked in.

Now, that film is one of my favorites in Anderson’s always beautifully crafted catalog, so I was thrilled to see her take an interest. We try to limit screen time in general—especially during meals—but since we were out, we figured this was a special occasion: pizza and a movie. She floated in and out of our conversation, ate well, but kept sneaking glances at the screen, utterly captivated.

We sat in that booth for over 90 minutes. Which, if you’ve ever dined with a three-year-old, is a miracle.

I figured it was a fluke. She was probably just exhausted from the long day, and honestly, any moving images on a screen could have kept her still for that long.

Then, a few days later, during her usual “requesting to watch Cocomelon” time frame, she stunned me with:

"Can we watch the foxy show?"

I knew immediately what she meant. I rushed to Disney+ and put it on.

Could this be it? My chance to break free from the endless loop of Cocomelon and Frozen compilations? Was this my opportunity to finally enjoy a movie together?

We began to watch.

If you’ve never seen Fantastic Mr. Fox, I highly recommend it. Based on Roald Dahl’s 1970s book, it follows a fox battling his wild instincts against his wife’s desire for him to live a “civilized” life as a columnist. He gives in, of course—going on one last heist that gets the entire community into trouble with the three meanest farmers in town Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.

Now, I’ll admit, certain parts of the movie probably aren’t ideal for toddlers. If you’re considering showing it to your little one, be prepared to hover over the remote to skip the “hunting” scenes. There are some mature themes, such as jealousy and betrayal, but overall it’s a story with plenty of action, emotion, and comedy.

But honestly? I’m willing to take that risk if it means we finally have something with a bit of culture on our TV.

As for the stuff thats great; she loves the watercolor backdrops. The music is fun and joyful, even in the darker moments. And, of course, the entire movie is filled with animated woodland creatures. Every shot could be a perfectly composed still image, so I imagine she is learning the palette and framing that Wes Anderson is so well known for passively. And since it’s not a traditional “kids’ movie,” the humor and storytelling actually hold up.

This win, however, comes with a caveat…

Now, she wants to watch it every day.

With a 90-minute runtime, that presents a new challenge—especially when she insists, “I want to finish it.” It’s definitely not as easy as shutting off just one more song of a Cocomelon video.

For those who don’t have kids, let me explain: solving one problem often just creates another and, I assume there is no end to this cycle.

Regardless, there have been moments of progress as it relates to her taste. Lately she’s been open to listening to Pinegrove and D’Angelo in the car, and although ‘22’ usually has to be mixed in between, I’ll take the small wins when I can get them.

---

As always, thanks for reading, as promised, I will have more SoEV stuff coming, but like I’ve been mentioning, some of these DiParture posts have been my favorites to write, although they don’t reach as many people, I think they will capture a certain moment of time, I can’t wait for my daughter to read this in 10 years…